Woke up after one of those nights!! The nightmares that haunt me. This one was real and I was afraid to open my eyes for fear he'd be there!
We were married for fifteen years....some happy times and some very violent times. I never knew what would set him off. Usually it was something I'd said or ddone. He always told me that every idea I had came out stupid and I didn't have the brainpower to even come up with anything worthy to say anyway. So I started to shut down. After all..hr was always right; or so he had me convinced.My boys learned this behviour as well but they were young enough to teach them a different way,.
The first few months were awesome. We'd have arguments every once in a while..but never any physical violence. Then came the hitting. At first it was just on my arms so that no one would see them. People saw them....no one asked why. I would just come up with some stupid excuse anyway. I'd do anything to keep his reputation for him in the community. We used to get into arguments and I'd beg him not to leave me...but he always did. Usually coming home late at night smelling like alcohol and ciggerettes. I knew where he'd gone...the strip clubs. He became very attached to one stripper. She'd do private dances for him and would let him touch her inappropriately. I found her phone number in his wallet and several calls to her on his cell phone. I did not want to cause another huge fight and end up getting hurt again...so I let it go. I didn't learn until later about all the other woman who were getting what he'd no longer give me. It was devestating.
At one point, I had to go to the Dr. because I had some sort of infection in my lady parts. He told me that it looked like Gonnorhea and I came home and expoded on him. (luckily no kids were home right then) He flew into a rage at ME....calling me the whore. He wrapped his hands around my throat and he choked me until I passed out. When I came to, he was on top of me, both fists continually pounding into my head. I was screaming and pleading for him to get off, but he kept going. Finally we heard a little voice coming up the stairs calling "Mommy! Are you alright?" I ran into the bathroom and huddled in the corner of the shower until he went back downstairs. I could feel the swelling in my face and would not allow my baby to see me this way. Afterwards, he came into the shower where I was still hiding and asked me why I didn't come out. He turned on the light and all he could say was OMG, I am soo sorry. And that was the end of it. He did everything he could to help me out, appllying Vitamin E to both of my eyes which were swollen shut and purple all the way across my head. I lay in bed that night and tried to think an excuse to tell everyone. Finally came up with the fact that I had been driving to thr store when someone pullled out in front of me. To avoid hitting them I had to jump the curb and my air bags employed upon landing. I hit my head on the steering wheel. It was an easy story to believe for a while anff hr stayed the "perfect man" everyone else thought he was. Looking back now, I would call the police. I would stand up in church anf tell the truth!! Then the rest of the insanity would have stopped and I wouldn't have ended up the way I did.
